it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
