Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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