I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize