I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
