Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
