dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
