oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just googled if crying burns calories
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
