I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
