She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
