ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
