Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
