i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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