I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
