i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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