When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
