I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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