If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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