I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
