All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
