these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
