Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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