My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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