It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
