i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
