It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
