I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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