I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
