I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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