If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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