Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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