I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
