i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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