Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
