I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
