I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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