you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
