Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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