I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
