The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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