he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
