I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
