oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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