Banned from zoo.
Again?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
