You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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