do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
