Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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