I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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