My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
