My balls are so social today.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
