I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
