winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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