Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
