it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
