Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
